Alone Forever and Never
by Pozagee
Summary: Seventh year fic. Severus Snape has been isolated for basically his whole life. Now, due to the fact that he killed Dumbledore, he feels more alone than ever. Warnings: Attempted suicide, OOC.


It was cold, up in the Astronomy Tower. But that was the way Severus Snape liked it.

He knew—had his colleagues been under any other circumstances—they would have seen the violent change in the thirty-seven year old. How he rarely attended meals; and if he did, he never ate much. How his robes had taken on a more grayish tint, from becoming so old and thinned. How he was constantly hunched in on himself, never looking anyone in the eye, never talking.

As it was, he had killed Dumbledore. So he was enemy number one (in Hogwarts, that is).

"You disgust me," Filius hissed at him, charming Severus's little amount of food to make the man throw up.

"Everyone hates you," Poppy said, shaking her head, turning him away as he practically begged for her to heal the dangerous fever that plagued him.

"You should just spare everyone the trouble, and kill yourself," Minerva said coldly, as Severus slowly climbed to his feet, pain from the Cruciatus curse still plaguing his sickly form.

"What a good idea," the man said throatily. A sharp wind blew, making Severus pull his threadbare robes tighter around his emaciated form. He walked shakily to the side of the tower, looking downwards into the spiraling grey that was the snowstorm. Pain echoed through every pore of his body, as he banished a section of the railing—unable to do something as simple as climb over the rail.

Tears ran down the man's face, as he grabbed the sides, looking down. 'My only regret,' he thought, as he closed his dulled eyes, 'is that all of you will never know where my true alliances lie-lied...'

He took a shaky breath, and stepped forward...

Only to be jerked back, landing hard on his bony back. Severus moaned, rolling over and curling into a fetal position.

"Trying to kill yourself, like I suggested?" Minerva growled from somewhere above him. "Trying to find the easy way out? I don't think so!"

Her words rubbed his raw soul like sandpaper, making the starved man whimper, tears running down his face.

And suddenly Minerva was kneeling beside him. She was shocked. Severus NEVER showed such a lack of decorum. Concerned, in spite of herself, she caressed the man's face, turning it towards her.

She nearly gasped. Bruise-like dark circles surrounded the bloodshot black eyes. The skin was grey, with the exception of the cheeks, which were flushed red with fever. And the rest of him! He looked as though he had lost nearly two stone!

Then, in a barely audible voice, Severus croaked out, "I...I d-didn't want to k-kill 'im. I...I d-didn't! B-but... 'e was d-d-dying anywa-way..." Fresh tears were falling down his face, as he tried to get away from the woman in front of him, but was too weak. "I-I-you g-guys-s are ra-righ'. I don't d-des-serve t-ta l-la-lih-live!"

Tears were running down Minerva's face now, as she stared at the broken man in front of her. 'We did this,' she thought, not feeling any satisfaction.

Dumbledore had always said, "Trust Severus. No matter what, you must trust him. If he loses us... I think it will destroy him..."

And indeed it had. 'But he killed Albus!' a tiny voice in McGonagall's head screamed, but she squashed it. Something... Something deep inside her knew, that somehow, this was all part of the old man's schemes, as Severus had implied.

"You should have known better than to involve Severus, Albus," she whispered upwards, into the falling snow.

Snow. She was hovering over Severus in an instant, for the first time noticing how ragged his robes had gotten. The man was still lying there, his horribly thin form quaking from his silent sobs and the freezing air.

Minerva helped the man to stand, letting him lean heavily on her as they walked into the hospital wing.

Poppy looked up at Minerva in surprise. "I...I think it was all a set-up. Albus's death. To get Severus in good graces with You Know Who... Apparently he was dying anyway..." the Gryffindor Head of House explained shortly, carefully lowering the fragile form of Severus into one of the warm beds.

Poppy had tears in her eyes—ever the Hufflepuff, she accepted the explanation immediately. "What in the name of Merlin happened to him?"

"Us, I think. You know how Severus is, blaming himself for everything...we're all he has, you know. And...we've been killing him..."

Poppy whipped out her wand, transfiguring the man's freezing and soaking robes into blue fleece pajama pants, leaving his chest exposed. The ladies gasped at the visible ribs, along with the many past—and present—wounds he had acquired from Tobias Snape, the Marauders, Voldemort, Death Eaters, potion brewing, students, themselves...

Filius entered the hospital wing, just as Poppy started scanning Severus. Being a Ravenclaw, he assessed the situation, figuring that if the two women were okay with being in the presence of the Death Eater scum-of-a-man, then he obviously was not... the previously stated type of man.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"He tried to kill himself... and we think Dumbledore had Severus kill him, for one of his ridiculous plans," Minerva growled.

Filius shook his head. "Oh Albus. He should have known better. Severus always feels guilty for everything... And we just added to it..."

Poppy had tears in her eyes, as she spelled the results of the diagnostic scans onto a piece of parchment. "He is suffering from malnutrition, severe exhaustion, severe magical strain, and hypothermia... Did you know he weighs n-ninety pounds?" she whispered, as she ran her fingers through the now-unconscious man's greying black hair.

Minerva closed her eyes against the images of Severus crying so brokenly in the Tower. She couldn't. "He has been protecting us. Hasn't he. Us and the students against the Carrows."

Filius sighed, nodding. "I think so. I thought-but I never investigated. And he's been suffering..."

That night, Filius Flitwick, Minerva McGonagall, and Poppy Pomfrey made a vow, that they would protect Severus, love him, and care for him, even if they couldn't show it.

O_.~•*'*•~._.~•*'*•~._.~•*'*•~._O

**_A/N Ahhh! Poor Sevie! You just have to imagine how he was feeling during that last year, with everyone against him._**

**_Thank you for reading, and please review!_**


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